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In her searingly honest blog, Penny Rutterford, 53, reveals how it feels to face the dating scene with a post cancer body and admits she fears men will 'recoil in horror' when they discover she only has one breast.'I imagine like many 50 something newly single women before me the prospect of meeting someone new and revealing my body to him makes me anxious,' says Penny.'I can now add to this fear a concern about whether the uniboob reveal might leave a man recoiling in horror.' Penny Rutterford, 53, says her deepest fear of dating again after splitting from her husband two years ago is telling potential suitors about her mastectomy and admits she fears men will 'recoil in horror'In her blog, which she started in 2015 towards the end of her treatment on her website pennyrutterford.com, Penny says: 'Well it’s been a struggle to find men of a compatible age who were bowled over by my personality when I had two tits, let alone one. ''I have been especially frustrated by the seemingly commonly held view that I will not be troubled by the usual body image issues that might beset a middle aged woman who finds herself single.
She underwent a radical mastectomy so an immediate reconstruction was not an option.
AA had changed from when I got sober in Kailua in 1975. It was not laid back and “take what you like buffet attitude “ had turned into a more ridged ..”90 meetings and 90 days and what does your sponsor say “ type of rhetoric. At dinner with my two closets long time AA friends they told me about the Murder of Kristine and Saundra Cass ( age 13 ), by a man who was Court ordered to AA even though he was unstable and had mental issues and had violent issues with women. That in fact, my local government still worked better then AA’s upside down triangle rigamarole! At my lovely little safe women’s meeting I was uncomfortable. Through her I met author and Journalist Gabrielle Glaser, who recently published a book called “Her Best Kept Secret, why women drink and how they can regain control.” I am a chapter in her book.
He brought me to Hawaii in 1975 when my parents divorced and I loved it there. I flew there to see my Dad and although I had cried buckets of tears for him being lost after many good years with him, it was hard to see him such a mess. He hated that I went to it and was caught up in it so radically. He shared his 7 page letter he wrote to the AA NYGS Board and it just ripped me apart to read about rape and child molesting stories. My group and I had tens of meetings discussing this and we wrote literature called “The Make AA Safer Pamphlet”.
After 8 months I eventually brought him to me in Los Angeles and within 5 days he died. With his death came a realization that what I had, he never wanted. In fact, it failed a few other members of my family. So my DAD died, and one of my kids was not doing great… a young woman named Kali came to my home group meeting. That means she was preyed on by an older guy with much more “time” and he knows exactly what he was doing! Even though I knew a women personally whom her mothers boyfriend had molested her 35 years ago. I created a workshop with a concerned group of members and the workshops exposed rapes and bad 13 stepping and alot of upset oldtimers confused about how to handle the predators that were taking over their meetings. It was all good until we went to our West side district.
For women like Penny, having a reconstruction would involve a series of operations In her blog Penny concludes: 'And so it seems that I am forever destined to bring cancer into the conversation at the earliest opportunity to avoid potential pre-coital alarm and erectile dysfunction.
'As “brave and beautiful” as my cancer is deemed to have made me I am conscious of the lack of eligible men of my age looking for women of their own age to date.