So, in this case, a woman started telling me how she’s been divorced for a couple years and recently met a man she is falling in love with.
The only negative: her 17-year old son is not accepting mom having a boyfriend.
Or is he or she going to start sleeping over every night and become part of your family? ’ ‘Are they going to feel sad that the man in our home isn’t their dad?
Or, perhaps, will your relationship be somewhere in between? ’ Meanwhile, they had been begging me to have him sleepover. I actually ended up sleeping in my son’s bed with him, and let my boyfriend take my bed! I realize that is the ultimate extreme of being overprotective, but I have seen the other extreme countless times—the mom (or dad) who lets a boyfriend/girlfriend of 2 weeks practically move in, and the selfishness and stupidity of it really makes me cringe.
One of the many reasons I love being a divorce website writer and dating columnist is that almost every time I meet someone new and they find out what I do, they ask me for either dating or divorce advice, or in the case of two nights ago, dating after divorce with kids advice.
I love when I feel like I might have helped someone.
And that means being very thoughtful in deciding if sleepovers are right.
Here are some guidelines to consider concerning post-divorced dating and your children: Adjusting to the idea of dating isn’t just for parents. Constance Ahrons, author of The Good Divorce and We’re Still Family and professor emeritus at University Southern California, recently completed a 20 year longitudinal study on children of divorce.
She found that the young children she studied worried about how their parent’s dating process was going to affect them.
You are all going to leave home someday and I am going to be alone. Can you imagine how he or she must feel, knowing that the kids of the woman (or man) he or she loves don’t accept him or her? Again, I love you more than anything, and I hope you will consider accepting this person who I am crazy in love with.
But if it works out with so and so, won’t you be happy that I have someone in my life who makes me happy after you leave home? I know that’s hard to hear, but I think when you grow up and fall madly in love, you will understand.” This should be followed by many hugs and kisses.